


No Paradise

by aka_noodle



Category: DCU (Comics), Wonder Woman - All Media Types
Genre: Coming Out, Gen, Gender Dysphoria, Original Character(s), Themyscira (DCU), Trans Character, Trans Male Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-08
Updated: 2019-10-08
Packaged: 2020-11-27 14:30:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,949
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20949938
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aka_noodle/pseuds/aka_noodle
Summary: In the temple on Themyscira a lone figure pleads with the goddesses for guidance.





	No Paradise

**Author's Note:**

> An OC-centric fic I wrote detailing the origin story of one of my OCs.
> 
> I'd seen some not great takes on "Wonder Boy" type characters before and decided to give it my own trans take inspired by the myth of Caeneus.

The temple is all but empty. All but one. The one knew it would be empty at this time. That's why it has to be now; nobody else can hear this.

Footsteps echo in the vast hall as a youth lights candles and gives sacrifice upon the altar.

'My lady,' the child's voice shakes, each word an effort to speak aloud, 'lend me your wisdom my lady.'

A deep breath. Another deep breath. Another.

Finally the child feels a little more in control. The voice no longer trembles.

'My lady I am afraid. I am unsure; unsure about everything. I live in paradise and yet I have doubts. This- this feels wrong. I cannot put it better than that my lady. My life, my body, my very existence: it feels wrong.'

Tears burn at the corners of the child's eyes threatening to fall but are blinked away by long black lashes.

'My lady, Athena, hear my prayer. Lend me your wisdom, show me what I need.'

Silence falls in the temple. The child stands alone before the altar. Waiting.

The gods are not kind. More often they are cruel. More often still they have no interest in the affairs of their people. The child knows this but waits even so. Perhaps this once the goddess will take pity; the goddesses have always had a soft spot for their daughters on Themyscira. So the child waits.

Time passes. The shadows created by the light from the high windows of the temple change shape and position. The youth's legs begin to ache but do not buckle. This is a fighter, a warrior in training, it will take more than standing in one spot for a while to topple an amazon.

A candle goes out.

A dark shadow falls over the temple. The child looks up. A large winged creature sits on the window ledge high above. Before the child can make out what it is it swoops down. The child takes a step back and reaches for a sword that isn't there. Weapons are not allowed in the temple.

Wide brown eyes stare frozen as the creature rushes toward the young warrior. It makes impact only to pass through as if the youth was not there at all.

The child stumbles backward, gripping at the white headscarf it is customary to wear in the temple as a pain rushes through the young mind. Blackness replaces sight then vision replaces blackness.

_A battlefield. Fire blazes all around. Armoured figures everywhere but the child is aware of only one. A warrior, a young man, stands in the centre of it all in leather armour. The child has never seen a man before except in pictures. His hair is worn short and beads of sweat rest on his brown forehead. In his hand is a familiar sword. An enemy rushes him and he lifts his weapon, fighting them off with skill not unusual among the amazons but impressive nonetheless. When he fells his opponent he looks around, intense brown eyes searching for a new enemy to fight._

In the temple the child blinks. All the candles have gone out now and the sacrifice is gone. The young warrior stands on shaking limbs.

No one else has entered the temple. Alone in the vast hall, the child speaks aloud, 'that-' the voice shakes once again, 'that was me.'

Saying it aloud confirms it in the child's mind. 'That was me,' he repeats with newfound clarity, 'that was me.'

The boy walks to the temple doors then stops. 'Thank you my lady.'

He pulls off his hair bindings once he's left the temple, long black hair falls over sun-browned shoulders. His legs ache from standing in one spot for so long yet there is a lightness in his chest as he runs down the hill.

The boy retrieves his sword from where he stashed it beneath some shrubbery at the bottom of the hill; the same sword the man in his vision had wielded so skilfully.

The lightness has gone by the time he reaches the village. Replaced by a heaviness somehow just as stifling as the one he'd felt before the vision. Women and girls walk the streets happy and smiling, safe in the knowledge that they live - they belong - in paradise. He always knew he was not like them, now he knows why. His elation at understanding himself fades when he realises he wishes it wasn't true. He wants to be like them but he can't go back. Not when he knows the truth. He's seen who he could be, who he was always meant to be, and he can't return to pretending to be anything else.

His run slows to a walk but he does not stop. If he stops moving he'll never be able to start again. He reaches his mothers' house. The door is open, he can hear them laughing together inside. He needs to tell them.

Inside the house two women sit together, they look up when their child enters. Their smiles falter at the frown on their child's brow and the side look in those brown eyes, but only for a moment. He's been like this for a long time, they're used to the melancholy these days.

Argeia stands to embrace her child.

'You have been gone so long,' Melidia says, 'we were starting to worry for you.'

The boy tries to smile but it does not reach his eyes. 'There is- There is something I need to tell you both.'

The mothers exchange a look of concern, Melidia takes her child's hand, 'What is it? You know we love you, little one. You are our daughter.'

Tears once again threaten the boy, this time he cannot stop their fall. 'That is it though. I'm not your daughter. Mother, I- I am not a girl.'

He tells them of his vision.

* * *

The temple is empty. This is by design. Not through careful planning on the child's part but by the queen's orders.

The boy enters and his footsteps echo around the vast empty space.

His mothers had brought him to the queen and he had recounted his vision to her too. She had told him he must pray again, that the goddesses will guide him. She ordered that the temple be empty so he could be alone to pray.

He lights the candles and gives sacrifice upon the altar. The headscarf tugs at his long hair, it feels wrong to bind his hair as women are meant to now that he knows he is not one.

'My ladies...' he does not know what to say; he does not know who he is praying to or what he is even asking for. He tries again. 'My ladies, goddesses of Olympus. I pray to you whoever is listening-'

'For what is it you ask, child?'

The candles do not go out, there is no shadow falling across the temple, no giant bird swooping toward him; no spectacle. The temple is silent but for his breathing. A woman stands before the young warrior, both there and not there. She wears a golden crown atop long dark hair and a dress made of peacock feathers. When she speaks her voice is sweet as honey and nectar with all the wrath of a summer storm.

'Well? Speak child.'

The boy almost stumbles at the sight of his goddess standing before him.

'My lady-'

'Yes, you covered that part.'

His cheeks heat. 'I'm sorry, I-' He takes a deep breath. Then another. His hands shake.

'I- I don't know what I want.'

'Did not the goddess of wisdom impart vision upon you?'

Yes. Yes, she did. He knows what he wants.

'I want to be a man.'

The goddess steps forward and the boy stops breathing. 'You already are one. You have a man's heart.'

'Not in the way I want to be.' The boy does not know where the confidence to answer back comes from but he embraces it. 'Give me a man's body to match my heart.'

Golden eyes stare down at him from beneath long dark lashes. He's never felt so thoroughly seen. It's terrifying.

'Please, my lady,' he adds.

'If I do this you cannot stay on Themyscira. This place is a paradise created only for women; no man is welcome here.'

'You just said I am already a man. I would have to leave anyway,' he argues. (A little anxious voice in the back of his mind screams at him to stop arguing with a goddess.)

'You will also be made mortal for you will no longer be a true amazon.'

His heart skips. If he is made mortal then he will definitely die someday, he never thought about dying before. But what other option is there? He can't go back. He would rather die today than live for eternity in misery pretending to be someone he's not.

'I understand. It's worth it.'

Something flashes in the goddess' eyes, something no mortal or demigod would be capable of interpreting.

'Close your eyes.'

He does. She lays her hands on him. They burn.

Argeia and Melidia wait outside the temple. They love their child but they do not understand this and they are fearful.

The temple doors open. A young man steps out. Brown eyes blink as the sun hits his face. He turns to Argeia and Melidia.

'Mothers?' His voice is deeper that it used to be. He smiles and he means it.

The boy's body has changed but his mothers recognise him. He is their son. Clearly the goddesses agree.

They walk forward and embrace him. His clothing does not fit his new body but his posture is more relaxed and comfortable than it has been in years.

Queen Hippolyta steps forward for she too had been waiting. The boy and his mothers bow.

'You are made new.'

'Yes, your majesty,' the boy replies.

'You will need a new name to suit your new self.'

Wide eyes stare up at the queen.

'There are stories, old stories, of another. A mortal who was made into a man by the god of the sea. His name was Caeneus.

'Shall we call you Caeneus, son of Themyscira?'

Tears burn at the corners of his eyes, this time he does not try to stop them from falling for they are tears of joy.

'Yes, your majesty,' Caeneus replies.

Queen Hippolyta turns away.

'Your majesty?' She stops. 'She said I could not stay on Themyscira. Because I am a man.'

Caeneus' mothers cling to him. They know they cannot disobey their goddess but they do not wish to lose their child, not when they feel as if they have just found him.

'Then you shall have to leave,' says the queen, 'You shall go to the world of men as my daughter once did. Perhaps you will find her when you arrive there.

'I shall have a boat arranged. Gather your things and say your goodbyes.'

'Thank you, your majesty,' is all he can think to say.

The goodbye is tearful. His mothers are afraid of what will become of him. Caeneus too is afraid yet he is excited for the new life he will get to live as the person he has always been.

It will take time to get used to the new body the goddess gave him. The straight edges, the squared jaw, the flatness of his chest and hips: it feels different but also right. Long black hair falls over sun-browned shoulders as the boat pulls away from the island. The first thing he will do when he arrives in the world of men is get it cut short.

**Author's Note:**

> Themyscira along with it's customs and religious practices here are based on a combination of my limited knowledge of the Themyscira from the comics and real life Hellenic practices and culture.
> 
> For those curious, Caeneus does get in touch Diana when he arrives in the US. Once he explains everything she agrees to keep an eye on him and introduces him to the Titans. She vetos the name Wonder Boy for him though.


End file.
